But Ihaven't had Erik drive me down into town or go to either of mybusinesses for quite some time. It's not that I can't - I'm sure thatErik would tak... me with him when he goes in to work every day if I justasked him - but I just don't have any interest in that anymore. It justseems so much easier and less complicated not to have to worry aboutdriving, shopping or business stuff - plus if I'm going out where otherpeople will see me I can't parade around in my crotchless panties, ordress up in. And that felt like the most important thing in the world at the moment. The next crucial question here was how did I feel about all of this? Did I still love my husband? Had he wiped out years of marriage in just one afternoon? Could I ever come back from this place? I didn’t know much that night, but I did know that I wouldn’t be logical enough to make that decision. The desire to inflict pain on him was the strongest feeling I had at the moment. I wanted him to be hurt as I was. I wanted him. More

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