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I wished I could just come clean with him about everything that hadhappened. I wished I could speak openly about it, for both his sake andmine. I hate... having to keep it all buried inside, especially since Iknew he knew that something was bothering me that I couldn't talk to himabout. I tried, of course, as best as I was able. I kept crouching stuffin hypothetical and metaphor, but well, it's not the same. The irony, Iguess, was that even if I did tell him the truth there's no way he'dbelieve. Rather than looking like porn stars, they had the appearance of real women. Every minute or so, I'd get a brief flash of a one-word message vacillating between "whore', 'slut', 'bimbo', 'cunt', 'cocksucker', 'vapid', 'airhead', and 'breeder'.I assumed this was about brainwashing me into this life and becoming what they wanted. Into what I wanted. It never turned off, even when I slept... not that I slept more than a couple of hours at a time as the blaring TV wouldn't allow it. Those women on. More

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