"By now you may start to suspect that my true fantasy with Alicia didn't end the way the story did. You are right, of course. So maybe from here on we...d better call it a true nightmare.It was only to the end of our affair that the utter futility of my love became clear to me. Alicia told me she could no longer accept whatever it was we seemed to have. To her it was just 'typing words and masturbating to it.' She insisted that I'd give her my true identity; it wouldn't affect her opinion at all,. "Everyone," my mother answered, putting an arm around Step-dad'sshoulder and kissing him on the head."You look cute," I said to him.He smiled bitterly. "Thanks."I wonder now that I didn't wonder more then. It was all so impossible,and yet each time there was shock and surprise, but also just a calmkind of acceptance. It was like my brain was saying-- of course allthe guys are small and weak and have long hair-- that's the way it wassupposed to be. So, we all just went with it as best we. More

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