It's better this way though. I can't even make myself cheerful at the littlest things now. How was I going to maintain a happy relationship when I'm h...ll bent on giving myself nothing but punishment?It's so sad that I let someone break me like this. Causing my life to turn upside down and make me hate life as well as myself. I can't even believe in myself anymore. I've lost the desire to create and bring laughter to others. I can't bring myself to want anything, to hope or even love.I don't. She tells me to clean myself up and I relax in andsilky bubble bath in the huge tub. I look at my body and see I am veryskinny and my hairless skin is very pale but super smooth and silky. Mynipples itch a little though. It must be the warm water.When I come back in the room only wearing my warm robe, Ida has some thingslaid out on the bed. There are a pair of short white boxers, a tank top,some white cotton pants and a pair of sandals. She says that I have movedon from my diaper and get to. More

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