What was I doing here? I had a girlfriend, and she gave me plenty of sex… I was pretty sure I wasn’t gay, and this wasn’t really what I had imag...ned as gay. John certainly didn’t look it, and he had said that he had a girlfriend too. But hey, the guy just gave me a blowjob, right? Feeling somewhat guilty and ashamed, I told John I had to go.“Do you still have my number?” John asked as I got dressed.“Um, no, it went through the wash…” I lied.“Here,” he said as he wrote it down again, “Call me. The laundry was done. The place was clean. I wished somehow I could just jump over the next hour and a half and head home with Jeff. I had to do something to keep my mind occupied. There was no point in worrying about Louis. There was nothing I could do. So I worried about Jeff. He was running himself ragged and I was worried about his health. He hadn’t taken care of himself when I had the flu. He stayed up late and got up early. He was so tired that sometimes he nodded off when he was. More

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