Ididn't want to truly hurt myself. I also didn't want to take advantage of thisgift. I wanted to save it for those moments when I needed it the most, ...hosemoments when I prayed that I would fall asleep and never wake up. There weremany moments, many nights, when I begged for it, begged not to have to endureanother day, not to have to open my eyes to the continual darkness. I wasalive, but I wasn't living. I was drawing breath, surviving, but I wasn'tliving. The food was plentiful that day, and. Some of the ladies from the shows would run into me backstage, but I did not find them all that interesting. Most were old and jaded, and the memory of Tameka's enthusiasm and love kept me from opening up to them. I had even found myself looking longingly at an engagement ring during a break as I wandered through the shops in the Paris resort. I knew I wanted to ask Tameka to marry me, but had no idea how to find her.However, I was unaware of just how high up the hotel's chain of command Kevin. More

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