When the nest emptied life was filled with days of travel and lazy afternoons holding hands. An early and comfortable retirement gave them more freedo... than they ever could have imagined and not a day was wasted. Everything they did they did together. And now would be no different. The fairy tale ended abruptly after an annual visit to her doctor. By the time the cancer was discovered it had taken more of her than medicine could save. Her last days were a blur to her. To control her pain the. An extension of self that I needed, but now I think I felt that way because it wasnt Ok for me to want things. Like, I only ever deserved what I needed. Not anymore. Almost overnight I feel — quite comfortably — that its totally fine for me to want things. And absolutly to be expected that I should get what I want. Speaking of things I want, Hayden (god his name is so fucking stupid I hate to even write it) finally came back to work today after being gone for three days. I dont flatter myself. More

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