I wondered if it might be the painkillers I take for my wrecked back numbing my cock again? maybe I was just tired?. Unfortunately the hefty dose of p...inkillers I take do make me really drowsy, sometimes I can feel my conciousness draining away like bath water. However it wasn't THAT! sort of feeling, for a change I felt completely awake, just unable to cum?. The unwelcome thought that I could be at last 'drying up' suddenly occurred, surely not?, for God's sake!, but then I am 53 so........... I’m not depressed. Relieved. Happy even, if that’s at all possible. Fear of loss is so much harder to bear than the loss itself. I ache each day for him but it is nothing compared to the ache I felt when he was alive. Don’t cry and don’t pretend you too are not a little relieved. Who’s being cruel? You held my boy at arms length, fearful to get too close. He accepted me as I am, as only a child can, and you could not. And always, always you let the fact he was not yours get in the way. We’ve. More

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