Since I had been pretty much a model employee up until this point, I had built up a lot of good will, but I sensed it was eroding fast. Liquid lunches...were not helping much either, and more of the same for dinner only made me feel worse, while only dulling the pain for the moment. The worst part was just holding it in all day at work. Everyone had gotten the chance to let it out after Becky’s death and gone on with their lives, but I just held it in. I had a little conversation with my friend. “Look here,” he would say with increasing anger, motioning to the art he was doing. “This is you, this is all you. I’ve made you and your beautiful young face and body live forever. Can’t you just be satisfied with that and not just want a fuck for it?”So that night, while I sat where he wanted and stayed as still as I could as he wanted, I decided to take up a lover the moment he had to go away. You see, John was not only a painter, but a lucrative salesman as well. He did not employ any agent. More

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