Over Christmas Daddy had suddenly announced that it was about time he redecorated the spare bedroom, which, as he was very thorough about these things... meant stripping off the old wallpaper, thoroughly cleaning the bare walls and all the paintwork, and making good any holes and cracks before finally repainting and putting up new wallpaper. I offered to help him, as I often had done in the past, but he only said yes once I had assured him that I had finished all the schoolwork we had been set. Stand up, Lieutenant. [Polite clapping.]“In four years we’ve seen sexual assaults drop from 11 to 1, robberies from 204 to 89, and assaults from 37 to 30. Let’s give another hand for the men and women in blue!” [Appreciative compliance.]“But stay on your feet a minute, Lieutenant. What say you be a little less vigilant about, ‘No person shall, in a public place, engage in any act of lewdness, including but not limited to sexual intercourse, fellatio, cunnilingus or masturbation.’ Why, none of. More

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