"So, how is your mother? Is she well?" my mother asked."Oh, she's fine. Getting on a bit, but she can still suck a golf ball through a garden hose, if...you know what I mean," my father said, laughing at his own joke. Then he continued. "And what about your father? Is he still on that little island? I nearly had it bombed while you were under my household, fearing he would find out and take you away. But they made me set you free before the planes were ready and... " MOM! You said Grandpa died. "Are you serious?" Yes, if it makes you happy. You are nineteen, so over a year legal now." Okay, thank you, I'll see you tomorrow then," she added, nodding. "Is there anything you want in return?"'Yes, you can fuck the shit out of me,' I thought before I moved to her. "No, I just want to be your step-dad that lives in the 21st century. I know like literally no one on earth waits until marriage to have sex. Your mom didn't wait, and neither did I. So, I just have to say: use protection. Get on. More

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