You go to the elevator and push the button. The elevator arrives and you get on, pushing the button marked ‘35’. As the elevator slowly descends, ...ou wonder how this evening is going to end. Obviously there’s going to be sex, you think. The question is, who? Who do I know that has this kind of power and that would spend it on me? The question is difficult to contemplate. Finally, as the elevator doors open, you shrug and decide that you’re just going to enjoy yourself, no matter what. The. That thought fueled my melancholic smile as "Tears of a Clown" began to blare through cheap, blown speakers.It's not like I don't have friends. I do but they tend to tiptoe around me like I'm on suicide watch. Oh sure, I once gobbled eighty-two sleeping pills, but it was an accident. I thought they were Sweet Tarts. That incident capped off a traumatic breakup with a kind, loving woman who could no longer cope with my never-ending insecurities and ugly as Sid Haig (too soon?) jealousy.I buried. More

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