My sex life was probably double or perhaps triple what it would have been had I not been Jerry’s cover man. This more or less came to an end in our...senior year. He set his sights on a beautiful advertising major named Melissa. Truthfully, I almost wished that she would be turned off by his enthusiastic rush and that I would have gladly made an effort for her attention too. Unfortunately, that did not happen, she ate his charm, wit, and banter up like a platter of hot wings. In the background. So I ignored him, went back to smashing Bon Jovi tapes (I still had a few crates to go) and hoped he would go away. I had been smashing the tapes, and watching the wide-screen television (there was some story on the news about a missing rabbit) for quite some time and all seemed well, but then a really sick thing happened. Out of the PA system came a rancid noise. It was I Saw Him Standing There, rendered horrible by teen super-sensation Tiffany! Several things started to happen at once. The. More

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