I became the cleanest girl around then. He laughed. Of course, it continued in bed at nights. He asked me if I ever let anyone watch me masturbate and...I said never as it is such a private thing for me. Then he said I was going to masturbate for him right then since no one including my husband ever saw that very private time. He said he wouldnt do anything but watch me and I was to masturbate for him as if I were alone in my bed. I could close my eyes but when I started coming I had to open my. Each week I'd visit and sit for a while on a little folding stool and hold a conversation – imaginary, but somehow real – with my dead love. I would keep an eye on the little meadow and pull out the occasional dandelion, thistle or willowherb, then, twice a year, mow it down and rake off the 'hay'. I had to explain to the cemetery gardener why I didn't want it trimmed every week; the flowers had to mature and seed, or do whatever they were supposed to do in order to return the following year,. More

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