With a little smile that does nothing to soften the strength of his mouth, he tells me to get ready to go out. To go shower and put on the clothes he ...as laid out for me. Sparks shoot through my vision and for a moment I can't remember how to breathe. Numbly I turn towards the bedroom and shower, the laundry forgotten. My mind is racing but I feel like I am moving in slow motion as I dress and apply my make-up. A flicker of movement makes me look up and my eyes meet his in the mirror. He is in. A lot of water has gone under the bridge. We have two grown up children: Henry, who has just graduated from University; and Zoe, who is coming to the end of her first year.With Barb I could be the real me. I could let my defences down a little. When my brother died of lung cancer he was only forty-two, and it hit me harder than I expected. For weeks after he died, I would be alone and suddenly find myself in floods of tears. Barb was always the one who found me and held me until I stopped. More

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