I got older, filled out pleasingly, and dated a casually. I knew that making out was one thing but surrendering one's viginity was a step not to be ta...en lightly. I retained my physical virginity even while I was giving a guy a blow job in the back seat of his father's car. I allowed a few to go down on me but never anything further than that. It all satisfied those surface needs, but my heart still longed for Jake. It was him I was saving my virginity to and who was the main character in the. I completely froze and prayed that she was joking. But she wasn’t. That evening I cut my hand in an attempt to shock her into quitting. She saw it the next day. She was hurt but my plan failed. I know that was ridiculously stupid. The shame you feel after hurting yourself to cope is difficult to deal with and I’ll be honest and say that the shame sometimes made me feel so bad that I actually harmed myself twice in the space of a few minutes. The term vicious cycle has been used to. More

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