Her eyes were closed and she was buried in a deep private world of ecstasy of her own. “No...look at me!” I gasped at her in a dominant tone and h...r gorgeous eyes sprang open...looking into her intriguing multi-coloured eyes filled my head with a passion that I had not known for some time. bloody hell but this lass was gorgeous! Her eyes snapped shut again with uncontrollable pleasure as she carried on her ministrations to my sensitive nipples. I could feel the spunk building at the base of. It'll be way more powerful if they suddenly 'get it' on their own." Right!" I said slowly, suddenly getting it on my own."And this part here, where you're filling in the back story in dialog? Don't do that. It's really unrealistic for Fiona to be talking like a narrator, and it'll take the audience out of the story a bit." Which part?" Well, here: 'When I was little, I was locked in a pitch-black closet all day at a friend's house, and my parents didn't find me until morning. That's when I. More

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