But there are very attractive men who aren't at all like that, especially to someone with fantasies like mine. The very things that make you a perfect... loving husband set you part from them. You're safe and kind, and they're aloof and dangerous. Jordan was that kind of man after I got to know him. I knew he'd never love me, but I went back again and again for the unknown, the suspense, and the freedom to be with a dangerous stranger who wouldn't judge me for my obsessions. Men like Jordan. I had spent most of it avoiding the immagration officials, as a Bengali girl of 16 all on my own and with no papers I knew if I was caught I would be deported. It had rained most of the day and I was wet and to top it all I had had a run in with Steve and his mates, Steve was 18 a right hard nut who ran a gang of teenage thugs, all were racists. They had seen me in a carpark where I was begging and gave me the uaual racist taunts I had managed to slip away when a lorry came in and was between. More

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