Then I noticed my hands were shaking; yes, they were shaking in anticipation of the next time.After driving for a while it struck me (you've sucked hi... cock again) what I'd done and I felt like shit; why did I do it again? Sucking cock was something you did if you were "gay;" I'm not gay (you sucked a guys cock twice) and it was hard to shake the shame I felt (Barbara's expecting you) and I knew that Barbara would wonder what took me so long; I had called her just before I'd left my apartment. I am playing my cards close. I will drop him, but not quite yet. I think I should drop him hard when I do. I want him to see that he has lost me and that I never really cared about him at all. I want him to see that he is a loser who is not good enough for me, not rich enough for me. I will be sorry to lose him as a lover, he is the best I’ve ever known. But that’s all. NO! That’s not me. Those thoughts are hateful. I worship him like I know he worships me. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t. More

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