I felt the hot wetness on my own desire dripping from between my legs and knew that he would be watching for that. Could I stop it if I wanted or was...I too far gone? Did I want him to see it so that I got punished? Those two simple words rattling around my head 24 hours a day – “Punish me”. Do I live for me, for him, for sex or for the sweet pain. I know that my pain is not excessive, it is not scarring mentally or physically, it is not unbearable, it is just aimed at my own tolerance. Testing the temperature of the water, I dipped my foot in the shallow end. It was chilly . A man walked in to the pool and hot tube area , removed his towel, hung it up on pegs mounted on the wall and entered the steam room. I noted rule one, it is OK to be naked in the steam room. This man did not say hello. I guessed he was not John. I took a seat by the pool waiting for John. Another man entered, walked to the shower and removed his towel. He soaped and lathered his body, took a longtime to. More

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