Always second guessing every thought, every word, every action. Should I or shouldn’t I? For months he’d been in my head. The question tonight was...will I or won’t I? It was his birthday. The one thing I wanted to give him most was a selfish gift. Not that he wouldn’t enjoy it. But really, it was something I wanted. Maybe it was something he wanted too but nothing was certain. What’s a girl to do? I would let the moment decide. The Friday night crowd was loud and friendly at the pub yet she saw. But that wasn’t possible. She wasn’t here, she would never be here again. Suddenly, I found myself reaching for my pocket knife. It wasn’t in my pocket and I felt myself panic. I’m sure I looked like a madman, running around my bedroom searching for that damn knife. But it was nowhere that I looked. I was panting, my breath coming in small, short gasps. Leaning against my closet door, I slid down to the floor and sat there, hugging my knees. I felt like I was slipping into a black hole that I. More

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