I still refused to return to school, not to the teasing and ridicule I knew would be there. I began to wonder if life was worth living, and started th...nking of ways to run away and end it all. When we went back to the specialists, they said they had found I had a strange hormone imbalance. This was why my body was developing like I was a teenage boy, rather than a girl.When they said that because I would test positive for steroids, I would never be able to compete in sanctioned events, I felt. ‘Ah well’ I replied, ‘y’know, at times like this, I wish I smoked cigarettes, just, it’s silly being pensive without a cigarette to smoke, you don’t look anywhere near as cool. It gives you something to do with your hands for 5 minutes while you sit on a curb thinkings about things, nothing, just feeling things maybe... If you’ve got a cigarette, at a time like this, you’re a cool guy smoking a cigarette, as he thinks about things. If not you’re just a bum sitting on a curb doing nothing. More

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