If I had been sure that Icould stop the desire by cutting off a finger, I would undoubtedly havedone so. Looking back on my life now, I wonder how muc... energy andwillpower I spent trying to look and act "normal" and trying tosuppress a big part of my soul.*** Early adulthood, life struggle, the giftThe inner conflict of rejecting a part of my personality becameroutine. I tried hard to look manly and cool. If someone made jokesabout gays, I was the first to laugh. I even started dating girls.. “So, I come home for lunch and find you asleep on the bedroom floor? What were you trying to do, nap away some time and forget why I took away your clothes?”“No, James!” she whimpered. “I was watching myself in the mirror, posing, working out, and just shaking about feeling myself move. I wore myself out and faded off rubbing my belly.” She grinned, thinking he understood. She was right.“Fine. I would prefer to do that for you, but time for something else. You have been hiding in this house for. More

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