I have lost again and look away with eyes full of remorse and hurt and that glint of fear. Fear of the pain? No…more accurately described as fear of...failure. What kind of mother will I be? Hands explore a surface so hard and round and promising, feeling that pulse of life within, wishing I could look like this forever and have someone to whisper to. And then the pain came, and I wonder why I was not in fear of it. Pain like a river, a waterfall, an earthquake…pain like a volcanic eruption that. I said nothing but the burning and pain grew in intensity. "Does it hurt Lassie?" she cooed. "Yes Anna" I croaked."Let me try and take your mind off this nipple" she said and with that the crop struck my thigh. I knew this would raise a welt it hurt so much. And then my nipple was loosed from her grip. Again the metronomic click, click, click of her heels began as she circled me again. My nipple was on fire, my thigh hurt and my ass still smarted. Without warning another blow from the crop. More

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