Will this internal struggle ever end for me? It calls out to me in the middle of the night when I am lonely. I can’t believe I actually thanked God ...or bringing Cassius into my life because he enjoyed giving pain as much as I enjoyed receiving it. It’s a crying shame to say I can not see a day when I will let go of this thrill and rush I get with every infliction of pain to my body. Help me, Lord! The clock on the night stand next to Cassius displayed in large red numbers the time of two in the. ’ He could wipe the floor with you with his left brain tied behind his back. ‘I look forward to meeting your young man,’ he said. Like he looked forward to a diagnosis of terminal cancer. ‘I’m sure he’ll be excited to meet you, too.’ Every bit as excited as being operated on without anesthesia. If Dad can lie so blatantly, why can’t I? The few words exchanged during the meal stayed completely away from the topic. Immediately after, my Father went into his office and I went to my room to call. More

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