I really did want to die, perhaps I could sneak out and find somewhere else to stay for the next month?I drifted off to sleep, I awoke when she knocke... on my door and said there was a pot of tea in the lounge if I wanted a cup. I was thirsty but what could I do? Go down and hope she wasn’t there? Stay where I was? If she was there what would I say? What would she say? I’d have to apologise there was simply nothing else for it. She’d probably ask me to leave and who could blame her. I pulled on. Remember that you love her and one day it will work out. You have no idea how frightening this experience can be. Even with Allen in a good-paying job. Even with our loving relationship, parents, and home. Even though I wanted this more than anything. It's frightening. A few days ago Allen went to work and I sat down in the room that is going to be the nursery and cried all day long because I was so frightened. But he came home and he loved me and I knew it would be okay. Just love her Brian.. More

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