My heart was beating rapidly and my muscles were alljittery. I paced the tile with thousands of thoughtsshouting down my reason. I imagined her motive... andassumed that our marriage was falling apart. I wonderedif she ever loved me, if she was just playing a roleand waiting for me to die so she could get my lifeinsurance. Maybe she was secretly and slowly trying tokill me. Maybe the pot was laced with poison. Icouldn’t remember if I had seen either of the othersactually take in a hit. Were. When I couldn’t, it was cigs over sips. I was up to three packs a day. Had to figure out how to pay for that extra pack with crumbs from the church’s youth program.“Geez, you Stupid, White Cunt, I can’t breath, and I can’t study.”I barked back, “I told you, never call me that again. I’m Jessica Mayhew, Youth Director, from now on. Say that or, Momma, or shut the fuck up.”He stormed out, “I’m going to fuck you, someday.”I lied. “You already did. Move on, Bitch.” Suddenly my cigarette tasted like. More

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