But I refused to back down and said, “Joe, we are only cousins by marriage,” and then I added, “And nobody in that school has any idea who I am ...nyway.”“But you just graduated from Northwestern,” he asked, still looking for a way out.“With honors,” I said, reminding him he wasn’t the only intelligent one in the family, and then I added, “And what does that mean… are you saying I look old?” “No,” he replied, being smart enough to realize that saying another word could land him in trouble.Now I. Even now I can’t explain why I want to be punished, why I want to submit and have him standing over me. He tells me that sometimes what seems like surrender isn’t surrender at all. It’s about what’s going on in our hearts, about accepting it and being true to it, whatever the contradictions, because the pain of not being true is often the greater cost. Murmuring ‘whatever’, I wash the mugs summoning the last brave bone in my body, he senses my anxiety and steps up behind placing his hands upon. More

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